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PANIC

Posted by Merk

July 19th, 2006

Categories: Express Watch, Front Pages |

31 Comments

  1. johnnyh

    The same woman is used in both pictures. Weird.

    And no I’m not ready. I’m hiding under a table, shaking.

  2. Fulla

    Is that a real Thermometer on the Express? Ace.

  3. martin

    I see the Express have gone for the slightly more pervy upskirt version of the photo.

    I wonder why they keep using the same photos for their front page? Perhaps in an effort to confuse their readers at the newsagent, who can’t tell the difference and pick up the wrong one?

  4. James

    Ban sunshine NOW!

    Ban tarmac NOW!

    Ban flipflops NOW!

  5. James

    The Mail is offering readers the chance to win a Renault Clio. Isn’t that marque un-British? If they were really patriotic they’d offer us the chance to win a London Taxi- the largest independent British car company

  6. Paul Worthington

    It’s a battle for superlatives.

    The Express emerges as the clear winner with their use of “ever” as opposed to the more, sober, evidence based “on record” favoured by the Wail.

    Hyperbole wins over science every time!

  7. Paul Worthington

    FAT KIDS GET SPECIAL CEREAL OUTRAGE!

  8. Paul Worthington

    martin Says:
    July 19th, 2006 at 10:29 am
    I see the Express have gone for the slightly more pervy upskirt version of the photo.

    I disagree, you can see the DM girl’s nellies and, if the photographer was at the right angle, her undies too!

    Not like the Sexpress to mis the chance for some grot on the front page though…

  9. Scotty

    I just had a quick scan of the Express. I read about the house buyers report and was none the wiser, but from what I could gather and you would never get it from that headline is that or in fact anything in the Express :

    There are not enough agents to get this system up and running on time.
    It looks like it will be a less comprehensive £300 instead of a £1000 report.

    However the highlight is on page 11 and I’m not making this up:

    Should we bring back the Birch? Call:
    Yes 0898 . . . . . 1
    No 0898 . . . . . 2

  10. Chris S

    That’s my driving lesson knackered, then.

  11. christie

    Just a hint of real news there in the corner of the Wail, nice and tasteful, not showing too much content.

  12. Paul

    Attractive blonde stands in dog sh1t ! NOW that is what I call NEWS!

  13. Adrian

    There’s a lovely two page spread in the Mail with an evil looking sun, which tells everyone all the different ways the sun will kill you.

    It makes me laugh that if we didn’t have any sun they’d be screaming “What’s happened to our summer? The climate’s gone MAD!” or something to that effect.

  14. Blank-ette

    Heh. The Mail’s headline made me laugh. THE ROADS ARE MELTING!!! NOOOO!!!

    I’m not even that hot yet. I’m sat here in a big pair of jeans and I’m not even particularly warm. Where’s this hottest day EVER then?

    And check out that Express ’story’ in the top right hand corner. “Cereals for children loaded with sugar, salt and fat.” Oh my God, what a shock!

  15. Moggie

    It’s reassuring that there’s nothing important going on in the world, so both papers could devote their front pages to the weather. No war, no natural disasters. A soothing read with your Lard Krispies at breakfast.

  16. Me!

    Oooh! 102 degrees! What is that in 21st century measurements then?

  17. Killer Whale

    The ingredients of breakfast cereals have hardly been a secret. The manufacturers have been obliged to list them on the packets for decades now, and we’ve all read them hundreds of times because, to be frank, a list of grains, additives and preservatives is a more interesting read over your breakfast than your average UK morning newspaper.

  18. larry

    http://www.bigdaddymerk.co.uk/mailwatchnew/wp-content/uploads/1415963.jpg
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=396397&in_page_id=1770

    funny old world

  19. Jason

    As a Daily Mail reader, I haven’t got time for this, I’m too busy contributing to society by doing my job, also having great sex. You guys need to get laid or something. Would you ignore a beautiful chick with a great ass just because she read the Daily Mail ?

  20. Zac

    Free CD: Learn Arabic in a week and it comes with this free Lebanon Property Guide.
    Does anyone think the Lebanese authorities will be repossessing these foreigners second homes now that they are empty? I hope they get squatters, hairy arabic left-wing squatters.

  21. mike

    I’m worried that the ex-pats stranded in Lebanon are unable to get the overseas editions of the Mail and Express. They must be getting badly behind in current events.

  22. mike

    I’m also worried that the young lady might not have rubbed in any suncream while leaving her limbs exposed, leaving her at risk from skin CANCER…but…if she rubs it in, the suncream will give her CANCER!!!

    PANIC!!

  23. Andy

    2nd day running…

    “Oooh, looky-wooky up into the big bwoo sky-ey-wyey. That big bright thing is called the sun and quite offten during the months of May-August, it can shiney-wine quite a lot.”

    What really amazes me about these daft space filler articles is that they always have a bit comparing temperatures in the UK to in the Med, America, the Rub-al-Khali of Saudi etc – if the temperature here is momentarily warmer. The general idea seemingly being to suggest that the sun is BRITISH by it being hotter here than there.

    That or lots of photos wiht urgent-seeming bylines such as “Bromsgrove – 12.00″ (girl in crop top buys ice cream), “Scunthorpe – 2.00″ (bloke in deckchair with knotted hankie on head)…pathetic waste, and definitely not news.

    I know it’s summer and the “silly season” but even so…

  24. Killer Whale

    But Andy, It’s not even the silly season. Parliament is still sitting, there’s a G8 meeting to analyse, and the Book of Revelations is coming to life in the Middle East. Yet all these rags can shout about is that it has got uncomfortably hot. Like it does for a few days every sodding year. Except in Scotland.

  25. Alec

    Oh god the radio said Great Malvern is and going to be and remain the hottest place in Britain, I live there, I work there

    PANIC

    By the way I was not aware that their had been a nuclear meltdown

    PANIC

  26. Alec

    Oh by the way “killer whale” i don’t want to brake any hopes or anything but the book of Revelations is not going on in the middle east one this has happened before many times ,alot of them much worse ,two try reading it.

  27. Alec

    Back again as I said before I work in great Malvern the hottest place in the country and I can assure everyone that the roads have not been melting

    DONT PANIC

  28. Winston O'Hoodie

    Turned out nice again.

  29. Olly

    As hot as it is, I’m pretty sure it’s not above boiling temperature.

  30. Matt Hurst

    I thought most Thermometers went up to 50 degrees

  31. Killer Whale

    Alec:
    http://www.webster.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?va=ironic
    http://www.webster.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?va=metaphor
    ;-)

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