The gutter press are going to be awful over the next few days, just you wait and see. Even if the number of confirmed cases doesn’t reach double-figures we’ll still have deserted town centres with a few people running back and forth with hankies over their mouths to stock up on tinned food for the coming “apocalypse”.
How long will it be before the Express start getting really apocalyptic? I remember their panic-buying stories a few years back, with completely unrepresentative pictures of empty supermarket shelves that bore no resemblance to reality at all. Still, if it scares their dumbass readers into not going out, it means I won’t have to interact with them, and that can only be a good thing.
I can’t read this sort of underlined headline without thinking of a child throwing a tantrum. “It _IS_ here! Itisitisitis! I hate you!” (storms up to bedroom, slams door)
CP gets a high-five from me for that pun. I love puns.
The Sun had a suitably hysterical article. Buried right at the end of it is the statement from a virologist that it’s not an agressive virus, and: ‘it can be destroyed with washing up liquid.’ Obviously the paper knows that most people will have stopped reading by that point, so they cram in all their scare-mongering ‘facts’ at the beginning of the article. They’ve reported on worried people calling their GPs and NHS Direct, terrified that they have the symptoms. Everyone who gets so much as a little bit of a cold will end up in a huge panic.
Fuck’s sake, they even mentioned (lost in the midst of all the TERROR) that the two confirmed cases in Scotland are now perfectly fine and ‘recovering well in hospital’. What’s the fuss about?
That cunt Fergus Shananananananananan puts in his tuppence worth by (obviously) blaming the government for raising a panic. YOU WRITE FOR A TABLOID NEWSPAPER THAT HAS TOLD ITS READERS TO BE WORRIED, YOU MOOK.
I recently had to join my local GP because of a sports injury although I’ve lived in the area for 5 years. The doctor couldn’t get me out the door fast enough which was totally understandable given the fifty or so moaning pensioners filling the waiting room.
I saw exactly the same people when I went back to report no improvement a month later- surely they don’t all need to be there! What could it be that’s worrying all these hypochondriacs with too much time on their hands into a seemingly daily outing to their local surgery?
Tabloid journalism at its best. Write a whole pile of bullshit for morons who won’t even remember it in a month’s time, or any of the other things the tabloids have said would happen yet haven’t, but will still keep the fear in time for the next scare so they can believe THAT without once engaging their braincells.
ARRGGH!! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! (actually I don’t think any casualties have been reported outside Mexico anyway!)
The gutter press are going to be awful over the next few days, just you wait and see. Even if the number of confirmed cases doesn’t reach double-figures we’ll still have deserted town centres with a few people running back and forth with hankies over their mouths to stock up on tinned food for the coming “apocalypse”.
Won’t somebody think of the puppies!!!!!
On average 2500 a year die of influenza related illness every year in the United Kingdom – Killer flu was always here!
How long will it be before the Express start getting really apocalyptic? I remember their panic-buying stories a few years back, with completely unrepresentative pictures of empty supermarket shelves that bore no resemblance to reality at all. Still, if it scares their dumbass readers into not going out, it means I won’t have to interact with them, and that can only be a good thing.
I can’t read this sort of underlined headline without thinking of a child throwing a tantrum. “It _IS_ here! Itisitisitis! I hate you!” (storms up to bedroom, slams door)
@Merk,
I think it’s closer to around 12,000 people a year in the uk. But yeh the express has really excelled themselves with this one.
aporkalspe now!
The red ink is back so it must be serious!
CP gets a high-five from me for that pun. I love puns.
The Sun had a suitably hysterical article. Buried right at the end of it is the statement from a virologist that it’s not an agressive virus, and: ‘it can be destroyed with washing up liquid.’ Obviously the paper knows that most people will have stopped reading by that point, so they cram in all their scare-mongering ‘facts’ at the beginning of the article. They’ve reported on worried people calling their GPs and NHS Direct, terrified that they have the symptoms. Everyone who gets so much as a little bit of a cold will end up in a huge panic.
Fuck’s sake, they even mentioned (lost in the midst of all the TERROR) that the two confirmed cases in Scotland are now perfectly fine and ‘recovering well in hospital’. What’s the fuss about?
That cunt Fergus Shananananananananan puts in his tuppence worth by (obviously) blaming the government for raising a panic. YOU WRITE FOR A TABLOID NEWSPAPER THAT HAS TOLD ITS READERS TO BE WORRIED, YOU MOOK.
I recently had to join my local GP because of a sports injury although I’ve lived in the area for 5 years. The doctor couldn’t get me out the door fast enough which was totally understandable given the fifty or so moaning pensioners filling the waiting room.
I saw exactly the same people when I went back to report no improvement a month later- surely they don’t all need to be there! What could it be that’s worrying all these hypochondriacs with too much time on their hands into a seemingly daily outing to their local surgery?
Tabloid journalism at its best. Write a whole pile of bullshit for morons who won’t even remember it in a month’s time, or any of the other things the tabloids have said would happen yet haven’t, but will still keep the fear in time for the next scare so they can believe THAT without once engaging their braincells.
the killer flu IS here… but it hasn’t killed anybody yet.
Poor French and Saunders any other week it would be the main story.
You see, now that the Express has identified the is, I really believe that swine flu is here.
Killer flu is here. That is, regular flu which manages to kill thousands every year – even in Middle Britain.
@ George:
They only go for a free read of People’s Friend and a chance to tut at “coloured” mothers and their babies.
RED INK ALERT!