Ian: "Ready for the cream pie?"
Other bloke: "Och, ye and yer zany health foods!"
Wee Jimmy: "Can ye see ma crackerjack?"

A disturbing picture.

I remember sitting with a friend and marvelling at the enduring popularity of the Krankies. He acknowledged my confusion over their being linked with comedy and childrens' entertainment but hit the nail on the head by saying, "See that man, he goes home and puts his erect penis into the other one, the schoolboy woman thing, I mean."

*Awaits PC brigade*

He had a point. Perhaps badly phrased but a point nonetheless. Creepy.

I used to wonder about what sort of underwear Wee Jimmy Krankie wore. A bizarre theory was that under Wee Jimmy's school shorts were a pair of black lacy Anne Summers numbers that meant that the distaff Krankie couldn't wait to rip Wee Jimmy's shorts off at the end of a long day of saying "He's BEHIND you!!!"

Of course that was when Wee Jimmy was a whole lot younger.

Comedians' private lives are ALWAYS tragic.

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I'm a nasty, violent lefty. You cunt.

They are living happily in retirement in Brittany - a friend of mine there knows them. He says they are surprisingly normal.

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Where there is great doubt, there will be great awakening; small doubt, small awakening, no doubt, no awakening.

Key word : "surprisingly". Seriously, though, good to hear they're in the pink. Ian and Jeanette are Scots light entertainment legends, but they must both be about 102 now.

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I'm a nasty, violent lefty. You cunt.

They're each 64. Which surprised me, to be honest.

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Where there is great doubt, there will be great awakening; small doubt, small awakening, no doubt, no awakening.

This is getting surreal.

Earl Grey, please.

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Where there is great doubt, there will be great awakening; small doubt, small awakening, no doubt, no awakening.

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You may say I'm a dreamer.... but I'm not the only one....

"And then I grabbed Clegg and throttled him. 'My cock won't suck itself' I said, now get down on your wimpy Lib Dem hands and get on with it."

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"Even when you're a super-computer with an IQ of 2000 it's brown trousers time."

Reclaiming "methinks" for the nation

Latest blog post - 2011 - a review (updated 07/10)

Winner!

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"Fanaticism is the only form of willpower to which the weak minded and irresolute can rise."

Calm down Clegg, it's only Tory tumescence.

I'd walk a million miles
For one of your smiles

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I'd rather shoot Paul Dacre than anyone else in the country- Colin Dexter. A direct quote from the Radio Times m'learned friends