Ah! Now it makes sense...

Narrow cut 'hipsters' Malcom. They very popular with the young people when they frequent discothèques and dance to the latest 'beat' discs from the 'hit parade', or so I am informed.

PS What are Beatles?

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That subtle admixture of the absurd and the surreally plausible...

A Quartet of Youths who have the Appearance of Unwashed Loutish Ruffians and who play a perversion of what civilised people call Music, with outlandish instruments that operate by means of an Electrical Flux. Their Caterwauls and frenetic Drummings are of a type more suitable to Narcotic-Induced Voodoo Ceremonies. They hail, I believe, from a Northern provincial City of such Awfulness that its very Mention would sully the Lips of any Lady or Gentleman. I am led to believe they are in Trade, and sell to the Gullible and Unwary a Great Many Items called Long Players, but what these are I have been unable to ascertain notwithstanding my unwilling Conversations with Persons of other Stations and Ranks.

You are Peter Hitchens and I claim my £5.

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Mailwatch. Love us or leave us.
http://www.coalitionofresistance.org.uk/

Ooh I like that. The word 'five' is done in the same font as 'Berlin Time'

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Soppy anti-British, pro-crime, anti-education, pro-immigration, anti-family nonentity

That's a proper fiver, that is. From before Stalin McBroon forced us to go decimal in preperation for annexation by the EUSSR.

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Mailwatch. Love us or leave us.
http://www.coalitionofresistance.org.uk/

Why with that fiver I could have gone out for a dozen pints and a packet of 20 Weights and still have change for a fish supper, even tail-end haddock with extra scraps, and still have change for a weekend return to Paris and the company of a high-class courtesan and still have change for the expensive and painful cure for the syphilis I would have caught. And still have change.

.............to buy a pre-fab in Tooting Bec.

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That subtle admixture of the absurd and the surreally plausible...

My grandad gave me one of those in 1953 when I picked out a good winner on the horses for him.

With a pin...

Thank you. Now, what is Napalm Death?

What a pre-fab?
Bit of a toff your grandad?
Lawks-a-mercy.

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That subtle admixture of the absurd and the surreally plausible...

Nah. No prefabs, just fivers. Proper communist, gave over 10% of his wages to the Daily Worker, made poteen in the copper when my grandma wasn't looking. Hamper from Russia every Christmas, annual trips to the Red Army Choir or Moscow State Circus...

Tried to get my parents' wedding cancelled by getting the vicar pissed.

A popular beat combo, m'lud. Hailing from Brummagem (a town of Warwickshire noted for its many workshops producing chains, nails and other small metal works), and often sighted on the 'circuit' of en plein air concertos to mark the summer season. I am led to believe that their appearance upon the bandstand is traditionally marked by an effervescent fusillade of Aqua Vitae, not yet decanted, along with coinage of the realm.

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Ten seconds... the pain begins.

Fifteen seconds... you can't breathe.

Twenty seconds... you give up and turn off the Jeremy Vine show.

The Mail's obsession with Toddlers and tiaras is creepy. Two articles already this week; nearly twenty since the beginning of 2011:

Today: The catwalk tweens: Six-year-old Toddlers & Tiaras pageant girl Eden Wood designs and models in New York fashion week show

9 Feb: Toddlers and Tiaras mother defends controversial decision to give six-year-old beauty queen 'pageant crack' and 'Go-Go Juice'

My comments questioning the Mail's intentions in publishing photos of a three year old girl "dressed like a hooker" and sentences like "The [six-year-old] girls, their faces painted with gaudy showgirl make up, strutted their stuff in frothy creations, their little feet clad in colourful boots" are not getting through. Today's article has fourteen photos. Surely one is enough (too many?) to provoke the "ooh isn't this awful" reaction the Mail wants? The other problem is context: I've never seen the programme but I guess most of the 'attraction' is in how awful the parents are. The Mail's stories show only the kids.