Ommmm.....

Well, thanks for pointing out that the winner stands on the podium and gets a gold medal, Thomas. I'd have never guessed. Perhaps he was expecting a fucking washing machine, two weeks in Majorca and a cuddly toy.

Or a camper van.

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Ten seconds... the pain begins.

Fifteen seconds... you can't breathe.

Twenty seconds... you give up and turn off the Jeremy Vine show.

I see forced Olympic jokes have taken over from the euro.

This one doesn't even make sense. Nobody pays a plumber in gold medals.

Not entirely sure that the medals count as payment. They're prizes.

The obvious joke would've been to have the minister say what he said about the immorality of not paying tax while in the background Sir Philip Green is being chased by a 'taxman'. Green being carried in a sedan chair by Cameron and Osborne.

Trouble with that is there's no Olympic angle. I bet the IOC have a similar tax 'arrangement' to that of Fifa though.

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MY COMMENTS ARE FROM THE HORSES MOUTH AND ARE ALL FACTS

"It's the Olympic gold medal- unless you'd prefer cash instead?"

"Yes I would actually- but not in Euros!!!!!!"

Fixed.

Nice to see the pebbledashing has spread to the stadium.

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Ten seconds... the pain begins.

Fifteen seconds... you can't breathe.

Twenty seconds... you give up and turn off the Jeremy Vine show.

Isn't the gold medal winner presented with the medal first, what with them being first an' that?

I spot the black winged lesser spotted plover on the far right of the cartoon.

And why is there an entire platoon of squaddies at a medal ceremony?

I know the army's been brought in for extra security cover, but they aren't going to be fucking everywhere.

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I'm a nasty, violent lefty. You cunt.

All athletes look identical apparently.

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"Now get those trousers off before someone dies!"

A joke that might have made slightly more sense if he'd actually used the phrase "double dip" on the sign that the bloke's looking at. Not that it would have worked anyway - you don't hear people referring to a double-dip recession as just a "double dip", it could easily be a synchronised swimming term as well as a description of the recession.

.... or a sexual act.

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That subtle admixture of the absurd and the surreally plausible...

Oh, lovely - so it is. Wish I hadn't just googled that. It's definitely not a synchronised swimming term though, so the joke fails on many levels.

Arrrggh!! It was a joke. I had no idea, I've just had to Google it myself.

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That subtle admixture of the absurd and the surreally plausible...