Daily Express headline today

Patrick100 · **Joined:** Mon Mar 05, 2012 11:38 pm **Posts:** 600

Messianic Trees wrote:

What Free biscuits? :shock:

That will stop the revolution surely?
The canine readership will also soar.

mojojojo · **Joined:** Fri Mar 19, 2010 1:33 pm **Posts:** 4264

My wife's gone to Alaska.

Juneau?

Yeah, I drove her to the airport.

Malcolm Armsteen · **Posted:** Sat May 12, 2012 10:56 pm

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Abernathy · **Posted:** Sat May 12, 2012 10:57 pm

You can roast beef......

But hold on a cotton pickin' minute. This isn't the feckin jokes thread........

mojojojo · **Joined:** Fri Mar 19, 2010 1:33 pm **Posts:** 4264

Where did your wife go last month?

Alaska

Okay, but I thought you would have known.

Malcolm Armsteen · **Posted:** Sat May 12, 2012 11:01 pm

Any idiot can roast beef but only Heston Blumenthal can pee soup.

Are these jokes any worse than the Express headlines?

No. In fact in comparison they're downright intellectual.

storygirl · **Posted:** Sat May 12, 2012 11:10 pm

Andy McDandy wrote:

Off topic slightly but I seem to recall that a late night quiz show was prosecuted over questions in that vein.

What would happen was, they'd put up a question like "Complete the following phrase - 'Many hands make light...'". Now, loads of people would call the premium rate phone line for the 'guaranteed cash prize', saying '...light work'. Then they'd reveal that they were actually looking for '...light meals' (or something - that one actually makes sort of sense, many of the cited 'answers' were much more random) so sorry, nobody was lucky this time, thanks for the cash.

But yes, even to a non-lawyer, something about this smells. Perhaps they justify it by saying that the punter still has to pick the numbers (in the way that a Grand National 'free £1 bet' still involves the punter picking a horse). Anyone able to shed some light?

Our guilty pleasure is NCIS, and channel 5 often has quiz questions that are laughable, but necesscary as asking people just to phone in means it is no longer a competition. I think we would actually need to buy the express . :shock:

Malcolm Armsteen · **Posted:** Sat May 12, 2012 11:17 pm

It doesn't seem to offer 'no purchase necessary' concessions.

oboogie · **Posted:** Sun May 13, 2012 1:00 am

mojojojo wrote:

Where did your wife go last month?

Alaska

Okay, but I thought you would have known.

My wife's gone to Indonesia.
Jakarta?
No she took a plane.

Patrick100 · **Joined:** Mon Mar 05, 2012 11:38 pm **Posts:** 600

NHS : check
Free stuff: check

Andy McDandy · **Posted:** Sun May 13, 2012 9:12 am

Eat your cornflakes, go for a walk* and thus avoid getting a 'risky fat op' (whatever one of those might be). That actually ties together fairly well.

*On that note, is it just the Peak District volume that's been given away free. Bit of a bugger for readers in other parts of the country, and smacking of clearing out the warehouse again. I'd be checking the sell-by on those cornflakes if I bought this stuff.

The Red Arrow · **Posted:** Sun May 13, 2012 10:14 am

Makes you wonder where all the 'Health Lottery' money goes, doesn't it, Des? D'you think we should be told?

Arnold · **Posted:** Sun May 13, 2012 10:24 am

My wife's gone to France to have plastic surgery.
Brest?
No she's having a nose job

Me and my wife went on holiday to Wales.
Bangor?
Mind your own business.

Fozzy · **Posted:** Sun May 13, 2012 11:15 am

Patrick100 wrote:

NHS : check
Free stuff: check

Blondes in DBC: check. Not dead, but Pudsey is getting on a bit.

oboogie · **Posted:** Sun May 13, 2012 11:47 am

My wife’s band went on tour in South East Asia
Singapore?
Yes, and the bassist’s rubbish too.

My wife would love to go on safari in Africa
Kenya?
No, we can’t afford it

My wife spent last winter in Switzerland
Berne?
No, she nearly froze

How long have we got to put up with people posting this crap?

Daily Express headline today

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