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Re: Liz fucking Jones..

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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:54 am 
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Location: Bonny Scotland. Och Aye The Frakking Noo.
There's only one thing slightly more disturbing than Liz Jones finally admitting to having grey hair. This.



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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 8:59 am 
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Christ on a tandem ! :shock:


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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 5:30 am 
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Location: Bonny Scotland. Och Aye The Frakking Noo.
Stupid whinging bitch - not my words, but those of my Mother - has a pop at humanity. Read for yourself and pick out your favourite "BUT WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" moment. Fucking stupid idiot. Someone should really, really stop her from accessing a computer for, oh, about a year. It makes me wish that the person who shot at her mailbox should have aimed a *little* higher...

Read at your peril!

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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 10:10 am 
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Location: Brigadoon
Quote:
Everyone has their snapping point. For me, it was a pair of Marc Jacobs knickers that I’d bought only to discover, when I got them home, that they were ‘Dry Clean Only’.

You can only imagine my rage, especially when I tried to return them. ‘But we have a policy of not allowing returns of lingerie,’ the robotic sales assistant told me.

‘I have a policy of washing my undies,’ I said. ‘Well,’ the robot said, staring at a spot just over my shoulder, as if to gaze upon me would damage her exclusive fabulousness. ‘Maybe you should shop at Marks & Spencer.’
That was it. Time to fight back against the culture of complacency, shoddy service and mindless ineptitude that we all seem to tolerate in British life.


Or maybe you should, y'know, read the fucking label before you buy them?

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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 10:34 am 
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Well waddaya know - Liz has a policy of washing her knickers. Who'da thunk it?

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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 10:37 am 
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bluebellnutter wrote:
Quote:
Everyone has their snapping point. For me, it was a pair of Marc Jacobs knickers that I’d bought only to discover, when I got them home, that they were ‘Dry Clean Only’.

You can only imagine my rage, especially when I tried to return them. ‘But we have a policy of not allowing returns of lingerie,’ the robotic sales assistant told me.

‘I have a policy of washing my undies,’ I said. ‘Well,’ the robot said, staring at a spot just over my shoulder, as if to gaze upon me would damage her exclusive fabulousness. ‘Maybe you should shop at Marks & Spencer.’
That was it. Time to fight back against the culture of complacency, shoddy service and mindless ineptitude that we all seem to tolerate in British life.


Or maybe you should, y'know, read the fucking label before you buy them?

Surely that's a send up isn't it?

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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:01 pm 
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Location: Sunny Surrey where the vines sit smugly in the sunshine.
Everything she writes is a send-up. It's a constructed personality, designed to provoke comments and website hits.

And what do hits make?

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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:14 pm 
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Malcolm Armsteen wrote:
Everything she writes is a send-up. It's a constructed personality, designed to provoke comments and website hits.

Ah, like Clarkson you mean?
I've only ever read one Liz Jones article, the one about Joanna Yeates, so my knowledge of her oeuvre is gleaned entirely from this site.

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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:32 pm 
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Location: Sunny Surrey where the vines sit smugly in the sunshine.
I've no doubt there's a real person in there somewhere, but yes, just like Clarkson.
It's a worry that Johann Hari thinks she's a good person, though. After all, she's a journalist...

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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 1:44 pm 
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Abernathy wrote:
Well waddaya know - Liz has a policy of washing her knickers. Who'da thunk it?

Nothing so prosaic. I see her sending them to India to be hand-washed in a river by villagers.

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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 2:32 pm 
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Malcolm Armsteen wrote:
I've no doubt there's a real person in there somewhere, but yes, just like Clarkson.
It's a worry that Johann Hari thinks she's a good person, though. After all, she's a journalist...


Only if they've radically revised the definition of "journalist" since I last checked.


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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 4:20 pm 
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bluebellnutter wrote:
Or maybe you should, y'know, read the fucking label before you buy them?

:lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 11:21 pm 
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She can't just have a car. She has to have a BMW. She can't just break down. She has to break down in Knightsbridge. She can't just have a house. She has to have a house so fucking enormous that moving can slice £700,000 off her mortgage.

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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 9:43 am 
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Posts: 3168
Quote:
Me: ‘Your automated service does not work.’

Santander Robot: ‘What is your date of birth?’

Me: 050958.

Robot: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, right!

Robot: ‘What are the first two letters of your password?’

‘Um. It’s Guccigirl.’

Robot: ‘That was the whole password. You are not allowed to tell me the whole word. I cannot proceed with this call as you have failed our security test due to your inability to follow basic instructions.’


FTFY Liz.


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 Post subject: Re: Liz fucking Jones..
PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 10:55 am 
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Location: That London
I know I am blowing all my normal person credentials by knowing this but Marc Jacobs doesn't make knickers. :oops: Or if he did it was a good few years ago.


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