Receptionist shocked to discover sidebar fame

The new threshold, which ministers are calling the Decency Benchmark, will ensure that poor people with regional accents won’t be able to get their filthy hands on taxpayers’ cash, which will instead be channelled to wealth creators to spend supporting the economy.

Among the rebels are speccy beanpole bully-magnet Jacob Rees-Mogg, door-knocking Christian Nadine Dorries, and pig-eyed tub of rancid lard Nicholas Soames, none of whom can be easily pictured slouching in a doorway wearing a leather jacket.

Olympics inspires UK to watch television

Meanwhile David Cameron’s home town of Chipping Norton would be split into 27 constituencies, three of them representing areas of Cameron’s house.
Cameron said: “The needs of my bathroom are very different to those of my kitchen or spare room, and I am delighted our electoral system will now recognise those differences.

PRISON inmates have set up their own political party in preparation for getting the vote.

They want more mixed prisons, with sexy inmates
The Shawshank Party will campaign on issues such as the introduction of non-slip soap in prison showers, more top bunks and the legalisation of all forms of crime.

Meanwhile, a separate £30m probe will attempt to find out how its radio headquarters in central London came to be named ‘Bush House’

The low turnout has led to a Newport man being accidentally appointed a police commissioner after he wrote his own name on his ballot paper and placed an X next to it.