.... Tim Burton. Some film advertised on TV just now.

Who else gets this elaborate build up? I think I remember something or other coming from the mind of Victor Lewis Smith. And maybe something else from the mind of Chris Morris.

"Dark Shadows"?

Shorthand I guess for Burton on quirky mode, Johnny Depp playing a camp and pale character, Helena Bonham Carter in support, and a good dose of over the top gothy humour. It's supposed to be crap, despite the presence of the usually excellent Eva Green.

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Ten seconds... the pain begins.

Fifteen seconds... you can't breathe.

Twenty seconds... you give up and turn off the Jeremy Vine show.