White Collar Crime This occurs when men in suits take unauthorised loans from the companies in which they work. They then lend this money to other men in suits with every intention of making money and then paying it back. The crime is only "committed" when the profit fails to materialise and the original loan goes "missing". See also the Guiness Four & Natwest Three


The Police State A situation where the Police interfere with the Middle Class pastime of speeding.

Miscarraige of Justice When the Attorney General admits to having a fling with a female Barrister

Street Crime When Asians or other ethnics buy 5 bedroomed houses in your leafy avenue.

Crime Statistics Prove beyond all doubt that crime in this Country only commenced in May 1997.

Speed Cameras Device used by New Labour dictatorship to extort money from white middle class people.

Traditional Values Imagined core values of white middle class people. Doctrine founded by professer Freddie of Northants.

Socialists 1. The poisonous veiws of bearded hippies who want to wipe Britain off the map. 2. Pejorative term used by a barmy bloke from Birmingham by the name of Smith when he wants to make a point on the DM forums.

Single Mums1. Evil parasitic prostitutes who steal white middle class peoples money to live in mansions in Surbiton with their 34526 offspring. 2 Breeders of hoodies.

Mrs. Thatcher. Person who Simon Heffer would most like to chain him to the bed whilst whipping him.

Edward Heath. Traitor.

Harold wilson. Communist

Tony Blair. Both

Cherie Blair. Evil dominatrix who stops paedos going to jail. She also wrote the Human rights act and has opinions on things unlike a real woman does.

Life on Mars. DM wet dream on how the police should behave.

More DM geography.

Israel Okayish bit of the Middle East as the ragheads don't run it. Would be even better if they were true beleivers not kikes. But the second coming will see to that.

North Korea Almost as much of a dictatorship as Britain under New Labour.

Albania / Romania. Land where gypos and bums were invented.

London. The centre of the known universe. (except the bits where foreign people live.)

Oop North. Grim land of darkness and dispair where people earn tuppence a decade, eat coal and live in sewers.

Sexual Proclivities

Natural Sex. In bed in the dark with socks on.

Un-Natural Sex Anything enjoyable with either sex

Deviant see Gay or Carpet Muncher

Spanking something given by the Housemaster

Pervert Any form of sex to be sniggered at, see Spanking

A Fling Juicy story about a Celeb or Politician (never a Journalist)

Rape Slapper in short skirt asking for it

Consensual Sex That will be £20 and we can do it on the back seat

Female Orgasm: Does not exist, made up by PC Feminists.

Cunnilingus Fiction invented by communists. Sound unhygenic, if you ask me.

Cunnilingus New Irish Budget Airline. Fare to Isle of Lesbos £20

What!!!!!!!!: a female orgasm

Cunnilingus: A slightly deceitful way of speaking up a ladys' front bottom.[/b]

Oh Ah Oh Ah Oh Ah Oh Ah Oh Ah Oh Ah Oh Ah Oh Ah!

Opposition Leader Special

David Cameron- Leader of "New Tories". We don't like him, but we hate NuLabour more, so he's the lesser of two evils.

Michael Howard Lived in Transylvannia- has something of the night about him. We liked him, but not many did.


IDS Iain Duncan Smith- or In Deep Sh*t- we forgot about him. Less said the better.

William Hague Young, bald leader- went to party conference. Wore a baseball cap, and wanted to save the pound- we liked him but he was too young.

Charles Kennedy
Hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... ooops, we meant 'We wish him well at this trying time'

Paul Dacre- Our esteemed spiritual leader. Virtuous, kind, honest and a pillar of middle england. A crusader for all that is good.

Global Warming BBQ and Patio heaters on a high setting.

Tax Rise Shock The Inland Revenue checking on expenses claims.

Wonder Drug Cure How much is their advertising spend this year?

Prince Charles Tree Hugging Prince with Ugly Wife.

Number 10 Downing Street Rightful address of Tory Party Leader.

Exclusive Story we paid more than you.

Liz Hurley fills lots of pages.

TV & Showbiz Nothing from those scumbags at the BBC.

Drugs - Chemicals invented in the 1960s by leftist fascists seeking to control the population. Varieties include

hashish - named after the assasinations it causes the user to commit
heroin - more than half of the "hits" taken are deadly
cocaine - so addictive people modify their noses so that more can fit in
LSD - makes you eat babies
ecstasy - the biggest killer of our youth since 1988
magic mushrooms - addictive and deadly

In spite of these different names, all of these drugs have the same fundamental effect and all lead you down a one-way street to death and madness. In recent years the leftist fascists have added two more weapons to their repertoire; crack - a form of cocaine that makes the user ten feet tall, and Deadly Skunk Weed - cannabis ten-thousand fold stronger than we've ever seen before.

'Let's Talk Sex' Snigger, Guffaw, Willies, Bum, Tit, Snigger, Wank Cock, Arse, Snigger, Bike Sheds, Fumble, In the Club,Council Flat, Benefits Agency, Made.