The most pointless story ever?

Arnold · **Posted:** Sat Jan 28, 2012 10:59 pm

Comments are moderated, but I live in hope.

Quote:

45.348 million unique users log on to read stuff like this?
Alfred UK

shyamz · **Posted:** Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:06 am

They love trumpeting about their millions of unique users, but what I'd like to know is just how they can be so sure of that fact.

How can they know that all these hits are from different users? And if they can, surely it shows that the paper is guilty of keeping a very close eye on all its site traffic and forum numbers...rather dodgy spy-like behaviour that they normaly like complaining about when they claim to see it elsewhere.

Arnold · **Posted:** Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:09 am

IP addresses probably. Although not everyone has a static one.

ezinra · **Posted:** Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:45 pm

Missing Caroline? As One Direction enjoy yet more female attention, Harry Styles looks glum during photo shoot

It took THREE 'journalists' to adorn these paparazzi pictures with idle, idiotic speculation.

Not interested: While his bandmates appear to be enjoying the female presence in the US, Harry Styles' spirits have seemed low

Or: Man with neutral facial expression takes phone call.

Having a manly heart-to-heart? Perhaps Harry was confiding his upset over his breakup with Caroline Flack to Niall

Yeah, or perhaps he was discussing quantum theory.

The three amigas can't even manage internal consistency as they employ their formidable analytical skills to interpret the goings-on:

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while the rest of One Directon lap up the female attention in Los Angeles, one of their number doesn't seem remotely interested

until

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Harry chatted briefly to one girl, but appeared to be guiding her elsewhere

(by which they mean "pointed"). Then we are informed by our snoopers that:

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Harry has barely smiled since he touched down on US soil

yet

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Harry smiled briefly for a group shot with the boys when they arrived at the LA studio

'Briefly' here means 'runs completely contrary to our narrative, but fuck it Mr Rothermere has paid for the pictures and this is the best we can think of to salvage this pathetic non-story from the spike where it belongs'.

Malcolm Armsteen · **Posted:** Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:17 pm

They were down the pub, and each one wrote a paragraph on a beermat. Seriously, that's how it's done, sometimes. An insider told me that a lot of Mail stories are made up like that.

ezinra · **Posted:** Sun Jan 29, 2012 3:28 pm

Then I'm the mug for wasting my time taking it apart!

I'm not surprised, though. The Mail's contempt for its own readers is engraved in every story it runs.

shyamz · **Posted:** Sun Jan 29, 2012 4:11 pm

It's amazing, you'd think they'd save money by not using so many idiotic journos - these aren't hard things to write, so why pay three of them when one will surely do?

Unless the type they employ really are that horrificaly stupid and incapable, that wouldn't be suprising (particulary when you see the number of articles written by several people that are vapid celeb non-stories - i.e most of them).

Malcolm Armsteen · **Posted:** Sun Jan 29, 2012 4:15 pm

shyamz wrote:

It's amazing, you'd think they'd save money by not using so many idiotic journos - these aren't hard things to write, so why pay three of them when one will surely do?.

See my comment above...
That's really how they do it.

Malcolm Armsteen · **Posted:** Sun Jan 29, 2012 4:23 pm

Sarah Bull 27th Jan - 4 stories
Nadia Mendoza 27th Jan - 7 stories, 28th Jan - 3 stories
Holly Thomas 26th Jan - 2 stories, 28th Jan - 3 stories, 29th Jan - 3 stories

So 22 stories between them since last Friday.

Messianic Trees · **Joined:** Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:50 pm **Posts:** 2835

Sister act! Twins pass driving test at same time on same day after identical number of lessons

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... z1kwXjHJjQ

Rightly getting a kicking:

Quote:

OH MY GOD!! This is the most amazing story I have ever read. Truly life changing, i'll never see things the same in the world ever again, thank you DM. Your work here on earth is done. I mean just LOOK!!..... They are both holding up the letter 'L' aswell, at the same time!! Amazing, just amazing :/
- backjauer, birmingham, 30/1/2012 11:32

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I smell another Pulitzer on the cards for this ground breaking bit of journalism......
- Johno, Dubai, 30/1/2012 11:27

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hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaah.....is this a genuine story??? You actually decided, with all that is probably happening in the world, that 2 girls passing their driving test was even remotely news worthy?? Thanks DM, the most this story has given me is a fit of laughter and disbelief.
- kjwergkh, Somewhere in England, 30/1/2012 10:51

Arnold · **Posted:** Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:50 pm

Cat catches a bird.

Arnold · **Posted:** Wed Feb 01, 2012 5:51 pm

Couple get a dog.

ezinra · **Posted:** Fri Feb 03, 2012 12:08 am

This one has tested the readers' patience:

Cameron Diaz pulls some odd facial expressions while out and about in London

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Another aspect the U.S. star couldn't control was her flyaway hair, which was blowing in every direction.

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I would be more concerned about having to write such pathetic articles like this than pulling a few facial expressions. Shock horror.

- jj, cam uk, 2/2/2012 21:09 Rating 160

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Breaking news, human being displays emotions on face.

- manda, holstead, 2/2/2012 19:38 Rating 32

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Photographing someone while they're yawning and talking does not a news story make.

- Xara, Southsea, 2/2/2012 18:10 Rating 132

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Maybe the odd facial expression is because she's got a zoom lens in her face. Could e the freezing temps.

- Gem, I used to think I lived in England but now I'm not so sure., 2/2/2012 17:07 Rating 15

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pathetic story

- mack, maccesfield, 2/2/2012 16:52 Rating 215

DTR · **Posted:** Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:21 am

Obviously hoping for hits from men googling "Cameron Diaz Facial"

Fact Hunt · **Posted:** Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:17 pm

Bus leaves on time

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... -seat.html

The most pointless story ever?

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