Forecast by Piers Corbyn of 'Independent forecaster WeatherAction'.

Who appear to be climate change denial nutters. One man and an obsession?

I know. Not even 'experts', the opinion of one person, who (as identified above) may well be a nutter, and it's front page news. FFS.

Tomorrow: MIRACLE NEW ALZHEIMER'S CURE (source: A Kadir-Buxton)

Decades ago I discovered a cure for mental health problems. The cure, which I term the Kadir-Buxton Method, has been used on a wide variety of mental health problems. The procedure stuns and resets the brain of the patient, so that the patient returns to a normal condition. The Kadir-Buxton Method is done by making a fist of both hands, and striking both ears of the patient at exactly the same time and pressure with the soft part of the inner hand which is where the thumb joins the hand.

The procedure is painless and the patient regains consciousness faster the less hard the double blow is struck. With practice, I am able to render the patients unconscious for only thirty seconds. Other individuals have faired even better.

At this point I would like to explain the difference between a stun and a punch. With the Kadir-Buxton Method, a patient standing on one leg whilst holding a rose would still be standing on one leg and holding a rose when they were cured. With a punch, the patient would be lying prone on the floor, and could well have dropped the rose. And just to add insult to injury, they would still be mentally ill. Try it for yourselves if you do not believe me.

The Buxton Handclap Method of delivering babies that minimises birth trauma to both mother and baby is used in various Third World countries, and according to one statistic quoted in 'New Scientist' would lead to an improvement in IQ of 15 points over natural child birth, and thus minimise intellectual impairment caused by difficult child birth.

With The Buxton Handclap Method at the onset of labour, the birth canal is held open by the hands of the deliverer. (Body building will increased the strength of the deliverer so that they are strong enough to carry out the Method.) The baby can be manipulated into position with the head down from any position by the deliverer holding the birth canal open with one hand and the side of the arm on the other side, leaving one hand free to do any necessary moving of the baby. In the event of the umbilical cord being wrapped around the baby's neck this can be corrected. When everything is as it should be the baby can be gently slid out by hooking the fingers around the chin.

Once delivered the baby can then be tickled to ensure it's airways are clear. The 15 point IQ advantage of my method is because no damage is done to the baby's head where the skull is crushed out of shape as well as no oxygen deprivation which can be serious if labour is prolonged.

And the handclap? It was a name given to the method so that everyone could remember it. If the deliverer cannot put both hands in the birth canal after birth and clap then the mother is considered 'tight!'

Whist my wife was in a Labour Ward I delivered a transverse baby when no doctor was available and saved both mother and baby from serious harm or death. As a low tech invention it saves money as well as being the best option for child birth.

Jim Dale, a meteorologist at British Weather Services

The Buxton Handclap Method of delivering babies that minimises birth trauma to both mother and baby is used in various Third World countries, and according to one statistic quoted in 'New Scientist' would lead to an improvement in IQ of 15 points over natural child birth, and thus minimise intellectual impairment caused by difficult child birth.

With The Buxton Handclap Method at the onset of labour, the birth canal is held open by the hands of the deliverer. (Body building will increased the strength of the deliverer so that they are strong enough to carry out the Method.) The baby can be manipulated into position with the head down from any position by the deliverer holding the birth canal open with one hand and the side of the arm on the other side, leaving one hand free to do any necessary moving of the baby. In the event of the umbilical cord being wrapped around the baby's neck this can be corrected. When everything is as it should be the baby can be gently slid out by hooking the fingers around the chin.

Once delivered the baby can then be tickled to ensure it's airways are clear. The 15 point IQ advantage of my method is because no damage is done to the baby's head where the skull is crushed out of shape as well as no oxygen deprivation which can be serious if labour is prolonged.

And the handclap? It was a name given to the method so that everyone could remember it. If the deliverer cannot put both hands in the birth canal after birth and clap then the mother is considered 'tight!'

Whist my wife was in a Labour Ward I delivered a transverse baby when no doctor was available and saved both mother and baby from serious harm or death. As a low tech invention it saves money as well as being the best option for child birth.

Independent forecaster WeatherAction has warned that May will be the "coldest or near coldest for 100 years", especially in the east of England, with "a run of bitter northerly winds" and snow at times.

Forecaster Piers Corbyn of WeatherAction.com told AOL Travel: "If you're planning a holiday in May then it's a good idea to get out of Britain.