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Sick Left-wing Zealot.

Tonight they bring us the Earth-shattering revelation that the North is cheaper than London.

[url]It really IS cheaper up North: Shops and businesses down South charge a premium on everything from pizzas and beer to cinemas tickets and budget hotels[/url]

I like how they capitalise 'IS' - as they've always suspected that a pint might be pricier in Hammersmith than Hull, and now they've finally got conclusive proof.

Why the "even"? Surely any numpty would expect to be charged more for a hotel room in the capital than in central Hull (the comparison that they've used). The agenda behind this shocking discovery...


Why does that mean that northerners should be paid less? Wouldn't it make more sense to pay Londoners more? I'm sure those northern street cleaners aren't exactly living in total luxury, even if their McDonald's Fillet-O-Fishes are 10p cheaper.

This really is truly bizarre. They are actually saying that wages should be 5.7% of the average house price? By their logic all northerners should average £6,130.63 per year.

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Soppy anti-British, pro-crime, anti-education, pro-immigration, anti-family nonentity

Why are they so surprised?

It's as if the tossers have never been north of Watford in their lives or something......


Oh....

Oh.

I see where I've gone wrong here...

It sounds like the Tories are trying to soften up public opinion to regional pay cuts.

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"Fanaticism is the only form of willpower to which the weak minded and irresolute can rise."

Of course no bugger in Hull trying to get on the housing market can same as London, are House prices really what we should be judging salaries on? You lower wages in lower cost areas of the country that area suffers in the private sector as well because people spend less.

They have no plan for business or growth they are basically pissing in the wind and hoping that somehow it works.

I'm currently working on a laboured and heavy-handed analogy comparing the country to "The Wizard of Oz", with London and the south east standing for the Emerald City, and the shiny faced one as the wizard escaping in his balloon.

It needs a bit of work doing, and some of the gags are a bit obvious (missing a brain, missing a heart - in all honesty I may as well go John Major, grey, pease, aaaaahhh), and anyway the original book is a commentary on early 20th century American politics s it's really retreading old ground. But anyway, you'll see it here first!

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Ten seconds... the pain begins.

Fifteen seconds... you can't breathe.

Twenty seconds... you give up and turn off the Jeremy Vine show.

They're on their knees praying for a global recovery* to float them off the sandbank.


*Like that global recession that didn't happen because everybody knows the only country that did badly was the one that overspent on services, and the ones that had euros, and the one with a black president, and the others cos they're forrin.

And why compare Hull with Hammersmith? One is a pretty deprived area, the other is pretty well off. Not exactly a direct comparison.

Yeah. Try Harrogate and Hammersmith. Or for that matter Harrogate and Hull.

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Ten seconds... the pain begins.

Fifteen seconds... you can't breathe.

Twenty seconds... you give up and turn off the Jeremy Vine show.

Hurricanes hardly happen.

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You may say I'm a dreamer.... but I'm not the only one....

Like the twelve different churches around the world who once claimed to possess the real penis of Jesus - I truly cannot fathom why anyone ever believes these claims, when it has never exactly been a secret that many different places claim to own the same relics.

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"Now get those trousers off before someone dies!"

The more sophisticated Catholic theologians (at least since the Reformation) explain that relics have a rôle inasmuch as they focus the prayers and holiness of the faithful. They don't need to be authentic, they just have to be venerated, and the veneration is cumulative.

(And it wasn't the whole penis, it was the prepuce, which was at least possible).

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Where there is great doubt, there will be great awakening; small doubt, small awakening, no doubt, no awakening.

My favourite explanation for multiple relics is "Well, ours is from when he was an adult, St Ethelburga's is from when he was a little boy..."

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Ten seconds... the pain begins.

Fifteen seconds... you can't breathe.

Twenty seconds... you give up and turn off the Jeremy Vine show.