Poundstretcher poets

sporran · **Joined:** Tue Nov 09, 2010 2:10 pm **Posts:** 1610

Here, we're talking people who seem to spend actual time penning tedious, wanky rhyming doggerel on BBC comments.

This seems, for some reason, to be a unique feature to BBC. I could be wrong but I haven't seen much of this shite pop up on the likes of the Mail. It always seems to attract the green arrows too. Not clever.

London Olympics 'to come in £476m under budget'

Quote:

15. shovehalfpenny
3 MINUTES AGO
'We're prudent!' pronounced Mr Hunt
as he basked in the warm glow of Dave
'This is a government that scrimps
and also a government that saves'

But most of the people weren't fooled
they'd seen him on the TV
being grilled like a steak
and shown for a fake
by a serious and unsmiling QC

they knew he was doomed
when Dave backed him up
it was only a matter of time...

Malcolm Armsteen · **Posted:** Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:34 pm

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Malcolm Armsteen · **Posted:** Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:38 pm

That rhyme scheme is actually

A B C B D E F F E G H I

Not exactly a Rime Royal, is it?

Bones McCoy · **Joined:** Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:08 am **Posts:** 7342

Makes out attempts at limericks look like Burns, Shakespeare and Shelley rolled into one.

shyamz · **Posted:** Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:58 pm

On the rare occasion that I have had the missfortune to come in contact with the printed version of the Mail, I have found that it has a very peculiar section near the letters page which includes jokes, limerics and other things sent in by readers.

Apparently "funny" photos, a twee nostalgic shit anecdote illustrated by their shit cartoonist, and of course a simmilarly illustrated poem.

The maddening level of awfullness of these no doubt agonised over little scribblings cannot be understated.

I don't think they include this stuff on the website, so if I am brave enough I will have to try and wade through my parent's copy next time to share it with you all. Not that you'll thank me, believe me.

Andy McDandy · **Posted:** Wed Jun 13, 2012 1:34 pm

I think it's called "Peterborough", although I think it would be better called "Cyrus Grissom's 'Funny Fucker, Aren't You?' Page".

Bones McCoy · **Joined:** Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:08 am **Posts:** 7342

shyamz wrote:

On the rare occasion that I have had the missfortune to come in contact with the printed version of the Mail, I have found that it has a very peculiar section near the letters page which includes jokes, limerics and other things sent in by readers.

Apparently "funny" photos, a twee nostalgic shit anecdote illustrated by their shit cartoonist, and of course a simmilarly illustrated poem.

The maddening level of awfullness of these no doubt agonised over little scribblings cannot be understated.

I don't think they include this stuff on the website, so if I am brave enough I will have to try and wade through my parent's copy next time to share it with you all. Not that you'll thank me, believe me.

I think you're right, an outside column which includes somebody's poem about a topical news story.
Stuff to make a Vogon cringe.

Malcolm Armsteen · **Posted:** Wed Jun 13, 2012 3:55 pm

'Twas ever thus. Back in the early 20th century local newspapers were full of readers' poems and ramblings. The Great Unpleasantness prompted a gush of patriotic and mawkish tosh, and I haven't looked but I suspect the Unfinished Business was the same. I remember the Mirror doing it in the 50s. It is a cheap hook for a certain kind of reader. Also see 'Remember in your Prayers'.

Bones McCoy · **Joined:** Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:08 am **Posts:** 7342

Malcolm Armsteen wrote:

'Twas ever thus. Back in the early 20th century local newspapers were full of readers' poems and ramblings. The Great Unpleasantness prompted a gush of patriotic and mawkish tosh, and I haven't looked but I suspect the Unfinished Business was the same. I remember the Mirror doing it in the 50s. It is a cheap hook for a certain kind of reader. Also see 'Remember in your Prayers'.

Now they're mostly found on facebook posting free life coaching with a barbed "Come on and repost if you've got the guts".

But that's OK, I never re-post, so this week:
I support random killing of stray Ukranian dogs.
I support kidnapping of young girls by (They didn't really say, but they sounded a bit black)"
I approve of cancer.
Something about the wrong kind of people getting married (In America).

hel · **Posted:** Thu Jun 14, 2012 11:30 am

Next time I get one of those, I'm replying with this:

90% of Facebook users won't repost this. They are too afraid to stand up for the truth in today's secular world. But when Odin sent Thor to slay the frost giants, he was thinking of you. If you believe that He loves Yggdrasil with all His heart, and will fight to defend it and us at Ragnarök, please share this. If you know in your heart you'll be with Him in Valhalla, share this. Those who brave the ridicule of this secular world will truly be rewarded with mead and wild boar in the sacred halls of Valhalla! Skál!

Malcolm Armsteen · **Posted:** Thu Jun 14, 2012 11:44 am

Excellent. I hope you don't mind if I plagiarise it?

Andy McDandy · **Posted:** Thu Jun 14, 2012 5:39 pm

Quite a few of my friends would be quite happy to repost that. One or two Odinists among them.

I did see quite a funny one. It went "Jesus promised life everlasting. Odin promised to rid the world of the ice giants. Now, I see plenty of people dying, but I don't see any ice giants..."

Messianic Trees · **Joined:** Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:50 pm **Posts:** 2844

There once was a PM called Dave... As it's revealed Ronnie Barker rewrote Edward Lear's limericks, the Mail takes further liberties

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... z1xwGtJx5z

Looks like the trend has spread to the Mail:

Quote:

There once was a man named Dave Who Great Britain from Labour would save. But to get a greater vote from Labours core He gave money galore to the lazy called poor Of course our Dave in an attempt for the future to secure Forgot all his voters and treated them like manure He taxed them low and high He even taxed their favourite pie. The old he decided don't need to eat decent so raised their benefits by only 1 % But for those who experienced no toil or sweat. decided for their vote 5% they would get. He overlooked it is they who have never earned any pay so with their vote in power the Socialist Tory wont stay. As Labour, Liberals and others there votes will all share BUT FOR TAXPAYERS AND THE OLD IT'S ONLY UKIP WHO WILL CARE VOTE UKIP.

- Donald Merritt, Watford , 16/6/2012 4:59

Unmoderated, if you care to contribute your own.

Winegums · **Joined:** Fri Jan 15, 2010 11:04 pm **Posts:** 711

Messianic Trees wrote:

There once was a PM called Dave... As it's revealed Ronnie Barker rewrote Edward Lear's limericks, the Mail takes further liberties

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... z1xwGtJx5z

Looks like the trend has spread to the Mail:

Quote:

There once was a man named Dave Who Great Britain from Labour would save. But to get a greater vote from Labours core He gave money galore to the lazy called poor Of course our Dave in an attempt for the future to secure Forgot all his voters and treated them like manure He taxed them low and high He even taxed their favourite pie. The old he decided don't need to eat decent so raised their benefits by only 1 % But for those who experienced no toil or sweat. decided for their vote 5% they would get. He overlooked it is they who have never earned any pay so with their vote in power the Socialist Tory wont stay. As Labour, Liberals and others there votes will all share BUT FOR TAXPAYERS AND THE OLD IT'S ONLY UKIP WHO WILL CARE VOTE UKIP.

- Donald Merritt, Watford , 16/6/2012 4:59

Unmoderated, if you care to contribute your own.

Outstanding. Until about half way through he's sticking with the "as long as each sentence ends with a word that sort of rhymes (poor-core ?) it's ok", then it just descends into ranting.

Abernathy · **Posted:** Sat Jun 16, 2012 8:43 am

WTF???????

Poundstretcher poets

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