Although there are many of them, some stand head and shoulders above the others. Such as Laura King in today's letters page of the Mail:
'The Pornography of Misery' (Mail) prompts me to share a preview of my memoir I Was Locked In A Cupboard For Longer Than You.
In it I will shockingly reveal how my parents abused my by forcibly tying me to a 'pushchair' and restraining me with 'baby reins' until I was three; unlawfully imprisoning me in a 'playpen' while they abandoned me to do the washing up or making a phone call.
Force feeding me liquid carrots and other disgusting mushy foodstuffs between the ages of six months and a year; humiliating me in a ridiculous garb known as a 'nappy' and dressing me in embarrassing home knitwear. Forcing me to potty train and take baths while they watched, claiming I'd 'missed a bit' and assaulting me with a loofah.
*some unfunny drivel missing*
My no-holds-barred last taboo bestseller will be available exclusively from all Wainsbury's supermarket outlets and budget flight airport vending machines
Now, like Laura, I don't really have much time for "Painful Lives"-style books. Unlike Laura, I would not go to the trouble of writing to a paper to belittle those who have been sexually or mentally abused and have decided to write down their experiences, probably to help them come to terms with it. Although, I'm sure Laura would have written the same had she been brutally raped by a family member at the age of 8...after all, they should get over it - it's just a normal part of childhood, grumble, moan, bollocks, etc, etc.
Therefore, it is my pleasure to crown Laura King of Sandford-on-Thames, the first Mailwatch Cunt of the Day!