Haha, imagine the look on the mail readers' face at Wimbledon when they find out

A) That the strawberries for their strawberries and cream were picked by filthy immigrants

and

B) That there are no strawberries and cream this year because there aren't enough immigrants

Plus Andy Murry has been knocked out in the first round by a one-armed mongolian hermaphrodite

Villagers from west Wales are welcoming their new Polish neighbours with a series of events to welcome them to their Welsh-speaking community.

Alistair Brook, owner of Langdon Manor Farm in Faversham, says he still needs to find nearly a third of his picking team.

And he fears a shortage if the weather turns warmer and there are not enough strawberry pickers.

He said: “It is worrying. We normally have people booked in from early spring. Now we just hope and pray that more people will come forward. It is not a good way to run a business."

Mr Brook blames the Government for cutting the number of work visas for seasonal migrant workers from Poland, Latvia and Lithuania, who are now preferring to stay in their own countries.

Mrs Jones is now embroiled in a row over whether she can be prosecuted at all, after a court heard her scooter cannot be classed as a "motor vehicle".

Mrs Jones said: "I hold my hands up and I’m happy to take the rap. I was drink-driving so I should be punished."

A Crown Prosecution Service source called the case "a total mess".