'Man cuts off own head with chainsaw' screamed the headline


'It takes a great deal of skill to cut off your own head - even with a chainsaw', opined Martin from Suffolk

'What a great Britain' from a Britt (true) in Spain

'Yet another poor citizen pushed to the limit by local governance, RIP my friend' gushed Keith Owen


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... opers.html

Some of the comments on this are unreal.



How many social workers would we need if they all sat beside a client day and night to make sure they didn't make merry with a power tool?

As for "human rights" jibe, sod off.

But I must say I am intrigued as to how he managed this.

"I've been working on my technique, and I got my juggular vein in 0.38 seconds. Beat that!"

Shocking this 'cutting off one's own head' business, isn't it? Really quite frightful. By the way, did I mention my successful injection moulded plastics company? Visit our website for all your plastics processing machine optimisation needs!

Out of curiosity, I just went to his site and it's possibly the most baffling professional site I've ever seen. His 'About Us' page starts with the following:



His site is flanked by two pictures of his Russian wife's face advertising her translation services. In fact, pictures of his wife litter the site seemingly at random. His 'About Us' section actually rambles on for five pages, complaining about the moral decline of Western culture by the end. His news page features a photo of him marrying his wife, captioned with a rant about how his problems with the immigration service are 'typical of a country which spent all our North Sea Oil and dumped industry', complaining that we live in 'cloud cuckoo land'. He tells you to click on the picture, which links to a TWELVE-MINUTE video rant directed at the judge who wronged him.

It turns out the reason her immigration appeal ran into bother was because she lied about a) having a job and b) owning a property, which to me seem like pretty fucking monumental lies.

His 'Picture gallery' page boasts of his amazing union-busting activities:



The whole site has an air of 'fucking weird' about it. What kind of business site has pages full of pictures of a random Malaysian women who he appears to have been involved with surrounding Malaysian song lyrics? It's like part-business, part-holiday-journal, all odd.

OMFG, that website is as mad as a box of frogs!

random asian teens sprawled on a bed, mmm, that's gonna drum up business.

Hilarious site, this guy is actually for real. It'd be alright if he'd kept his 'business' website separate from what he gets up to in his spare time and his world-weary rants, but he'd rather save on bandwidth and roll it all in to one. Somebody really needs to give him a slap and actually point out where he's going wrong here.


TRUE Daily Mail reader, great find jonnyhead.

Marvellous, finally a site that fulfills all my ethnic soft porn, semi-coherent wittering and industrial plastics needs in one easy go.

Bloody hell. The random question marks have given me a headache?

Yes, outstanding.

Looks like it was designed by Norman Scarth. It seems on my connection to take ages to load his stuff - it's as if he just bungs on random jpegs and animations at random. Having seen the sprawling Malaysian girl I was a bit worried at clicking on the 'Screw and Barrel' section.

Does he not see the irony of commenting on the DM site when he's had immigration problems.

I thought the DM had stopped allowing web addresses after Aldert got the boot.

Anyone fancy posting a fawning Littlejohn comment on Friday morning with a link pointing to http://bigdaddymerk.co.uk/mailwatch/forum ?

Wow, that would be like a declaration of war. It would be kind of satisfying to know that Littlejohn had read the comments on here and was brutally made aware that there are people who regard him as a cocksucking fuckhead and not as the brilliant PM-in-waiting all the mail readers hail him as.

Maybe social network sites drove him to kill himself? Maybe the social network sites actually killed him?

He sounds like somebody who's tried several times but has come to terms with the fact that he doesn't have the requisite skills.

FURY AS "BRUTAL" GAME LINKED TO CHAINSAW SUICIDE
Game retailers have today been blasted for selling shock chainsaw title "Gears and War" to suicidal teenagers, the Mail can reveal.

Several experts have condemned the game, claiming that it promotes dangerous chainsaw activity.

"Characters in the game swing chainsaws around with gay abandon," yelped local power tool activist Clint Batworthy, "If someone attempted the irresponsible stunts shown in the game in real life, they could be seriously injured."


Frightening: A character in the game Gears and War
Computer game experts have likened the game to a "decapitation simulator", noting that the game offers young impressionable youths detailed instructions on how to sever their own heads, as well as those of others.

Players in the game score points based on how many hard-working pensioners' lives they ruin through their violent shenanigans, and an online mode is offered where players can literally threaten families in their homes by shouting at them.


Comments: 12

When will Labour learn that human rights only apply to people like me?
- Mrs. B Batworthy, Suffolk

The young bastards playing this game should be shot with real chainsaw guns! Then they'd know how it felt instead of laughing with enjoyment while they play!
- Colonel Jivesteadham, Surrey

this makes me very frightened and angry with gordon brown

- Jacqui Weems, Southampton

The absolute best thing about that website is the music that starts playing on nearly ever page. It's consistently inappropriate, despite clearly having been chosen to play on certain pages.

Fantastic, and it gets better. I suppose it all makes sense in his mind.