PRIME Minister Gordon Brown has dismissed the latest London bomb scare as "feeble" and "unlikely to frighten the public".
Brown compared MI5 to the cast of 'Police Academy'Mr Brown is understood to be disappointed with MI5's effort, describing it as "half-arsed and transparent".
A source close to Brown said: "The PM wanted to start things off by scaring the absolute, holy shit out of people.
"A badly driven Merc with a couple of gas bottles in the back does not cut the mustard.
"We asked for Arabic literature on the passenger seat, a map of Whitehall with big red crosses on it and a huge controlled explosion on live television. Someone will be getting their backside felt for this."
The source added: "We're trying to introduce ID cards, imprisonment without trial and swingeing restrictions on freedom of speech.
"We wouldn't be able to force through new parking regulations on the back of this pile of arse."
Police say they are looking for "a man" in connection with the incident in London's Haymarket.
A Metropolitan Police spokesman said: "Our investigations are currently centred on a man. If you see a man you should react with complete terror and run screaming into the nearest busy shop or pub."
THE DAILY MASH GUIDE TO UK THREAT LEVELS
All is well. Unlock your doors and lend your car to a neighbour. Sing.
Unsettling. What was that noise? Where were you born? Share my values at once young man.
Terribly frightening. Death has your business card. Trust no-one and carry a bucket at all times.
Incredibly dangerous. You and everyone you know is now a terrorist. Go home and watch Grey's Anatomy.
Oh Christ. The shit's hit the fan. Your car is on fire. And so are your trousers.
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