Archive of old topics pre-October 2007. PM a mod to get one reopened
By Nick h
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tuber wrote:Drugs - Chemicals invented in the 1960s by leftist fascists seeking to control the population. Varieties include
  • hashish - named after the assasinations it causes the user to commit
    heroin - more than half of the "hits" taken are deadly
    cocaine - so addictive people modify their noses so that more can fit in
    LSD - makes you eat babies
    ecstasy - the biggest killer of our youth since 1988
    magic mushrooms - addictive and deadly
In spite of these different names, all of these drugs have the same fundamental effect and all lead you down a one-way street to death and madness. In recent years the leftist fascists have added two more weapons to their repertoire; crack - a form of cocaine that makes the user ten feet tall, and Deadly Skunk Weed - cannabis ten-thousand fold stronger than we've ever seen before.
I'll bet you anything you like, a DM reader will describe 'skunk' as a North American rodent with a white stripe that smells a bit and is in a cartoon.
By Andy McDandy
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Cliche special!

Most right-headed people... - Me and my friends at the golf club.

Normally law-abiding - I swear I was doing thirty, officer.

Traffic Taliban - I've only had a few ales, officer.

Harmless fun from a more innocent era - theft, vandalism, nuisance calls done by small boys in shorts.

Crime soars - theft, vandalism, nuisance calls done by poor or ethnic types.

'Elf and safety - shit I'm not allowed to cut corners any more.

Simple common sense... - why can't I get my own way?
By Winston O'Hoodie
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Expert: A person with a high degree of skill in or knowledge of a certain subject. (ie. Doctors, Professors). This word is usually to be found within the Daily Mail encased in apostrophes and normally lead by the prefix so-called (see above) eg "these so-called 'experts'..."

Think-Tank: A group or an institution organized for research and solving of problems, especially in the areas of technology or social or political strategy. A think-tank is found in two distinct varieties within the Daily Mail. A 'left-leaning' or 'close to Labour' think tank and a 'highly respected' think-tank. The former will will normally produce PC, wooly-minded or liberal solutions to problems. The latter will generally produce common sense solutions.
By Winston O'Hoodie
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Scotland: A part of this once-great country inhabited by unemployed layabouts who pay no tax, produce no goods, services or benefits and spend their days lazing in their personal swimming pools, jacuzzis or local pubs, and who's lavish, millionaire lifestyles are entirely funded by the hard-pressed tax-payer of Middle-England.
The only part of the United kingdom where everything is free. Original home of the

Scottish: an ethnic inhabitant of Scotland. A personal of rough appearance and low moral values, who spends his time spending the £50,000 a week he personally receives from Middle-England taxpayers as a result of the Barnett Formula on a lavish lifestyle.

Gordon Brown: seldom used name for the Prime Minister. Much more commonly known as Jock, Broon, McBroon, McStalin or dictator (often in combination). Generally believed to have no mandate or to have been unelected.

McMafia: A member of parliament, Scottish, or of ethnic Scottish extraction. Generally, but not exclusively, is a member of the Labour party. See also tartan mafia, Scottish mafia, jockocracy.

Mandate: In the UK, the authority given by the electorate to the majority or largest political party in the House of Commons to form a government and implement certain policies. A government is said to have no mandate if the Daily Mail or its readership did not vote for the government or do not support its policies.

Prime Minister: The most important minister of the cabinet and chief executive of the UK parliamentary democracy appointed by the ruling monarch with the approval of the Daily Mail and its readership. A Prime Minister who is appointed by the ruling monarch without the approval of the Daily Mail and its readership is said to be unelected or without a mandate.
By bairy
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Justice System: Useless system that always favours criminals and betrays victims.

Jails: Should be scrapped and replaced by the death penalty.

Death Penalty: Should be applied to all criminals. Except where the crime is car-related.

Guardian readers: Empty headed leftie liberal morons who don't understand anything.

Mail readers: The vast (and silent) majority. Experts in everything. Can solve any soduku puzzle in under 3 seconds.

The BBC: Broadcasting corporation run by the government, for the government. Should be scrapped. See Guardian readers.

Richard Littlejohn: Well informed genius with his finger firmly on the pulse of Britain. Right about everything. Wrong about nothing. One of only a handful of people in the country that has the balls to tell it how it really is. Should be prime minister.

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