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C**t of the day

Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 5:57 pm
by Esqui
Although there are many of them, some stand head and shoulders above the others. Such as Laura King in today's letters page of the Mail:
'The Pornography of Misery' (Mail) prompts me to share a preview of my memoir I Was Locked In A Cupboard For Longer Than You.

In it I will shockingly reveal how my parents abused my by forcibly tying me to a 'pushchair' and restraining me with 'baby reins' until I was three; unlawfully imprisoning me in a 'playpen' while they abandoned me to do the washing up or making a phone call.

Force feeding me liquid carrots and other disgusting mushy foodstuffs between the ages of six months and a year; humiliating me in a ridiculous garb known as a 'nappy' and dressing me in embarrassing home knitwear. Forcing me to potty train and take baths while they watched, claiming I'd 'missed a bit' and assaulting me with a loofah.

*some unfunny drivel missing*

My no-holds-barred last taboo bestseller will be available exclusively from all Wainsbury's supermarket outlets and budget flight airport vending machines
Now, like Laura, I don't really have much time for "Painful Lives"-style books. Unlike Laura, I would not go to the trouble of writing to a paper to belittle those who have been sexually or mentally abused and have decided to write down their experiences, probably to help them come to terms with it. Although, I'm sure Laura would have written the same had she been brutally raped by a family member at the age of 8...after all, they should get over it - it's just a normal part of childhood, grumble, moan, bollocks, etc, etc.

Therefore, it is my pleasure to crown Laura King of Sandford-on-Thames, the first Mailwatch Cunt of the Day!

Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 7:04 pm
by JohnD
Judging by the evidence you have presented, I think you have made the right choice.

Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 7:23 pm
by Dimmimar
I'd be inclined to concur with your choice, sir.

Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 8:48 pm
by PeteNattress
Truly a first class cunt. I imagine she will not be the last.

Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 1:36 am
by Forsythia
Wow, what a bitch. I wonder how she sleeps at night :?

Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 2:05 am
by bairy
Given that she has no problem belittling, dismissing and taking the piss out of those who have suffered unimaginable abuse, I suspect she's either completely oblivious to the hurt she would inflict, or she's proud of it (some people get off on making others feel bad // making themselves out to be worse off than anyone else)

To me that suggests she sleeps quite easily, though likely alone.

Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 7:52 am
by Adam
All that said, "I Was Locked in a Cupboard For Longer Than You" sums up these competitive misery memoirs fairly well. Shame about the rest of it, but that bit's quite funny.

Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 10:11 am
by Mr Mordon
bairy wrote:Given that she has no problem belittling, dismissing and taking the piss out of those who have suffered unimaginable abuse, I suspect she's either completely oblivious to the hurt she would inflict, or she's proud of it (some people get off on making others feel bad // making themselves out to be worse off than anyone else)

To me that suggests she sleeps quite easily, though likely alone.
She might make an appearence on that Horlicks add in the future

That said, I agree with Paul, there is a touch of the 'four Yorkshireman' scetch with some of these books.

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:11 pm
by Esqui
Today's award goes to Philip Bailey of Crickenhowell, Powys, who wrote into the Mail to say:
If France wants the Wallonia region of Belgium as it's linguistically and culturally French, by the same logic, we should give Bradford and half London's East End to Iran
C**t of the day, well deserved, I say.

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 11:01 pm
by Mr Mordon
To right, don't want to live in Iran thanks very much Philip you TWAT!

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 7:46 am
by Esqui
Very English-sounding name for someone who lives in Wales..

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 1:07 am
by bairy
Bank of England joins global forces in pumping £55bn into money markets to avoid recession

Didn't read it. Don't care. Just this comment.
As long as the English taxpayer doesn't have to stump up for it, like we do for Gordy McBottlers 3rd world debt relief/education/vaccination/insert todays "good-cause" here, adventures.

- David, UK
I dunno eh. These bloody poor people in these poor countries. How dare they be entitled to education and immunisation from disease. How dare they not just die! Those selfish bastards!

In addition:
Unrelated to the story dig? Check.
Hilarious Gordon Brown name? Check.

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 7:48 am
by Daul Pacre
I hadn't seen this thread before, I thought I was a shoo in.

The thing bairy cited is the central problem with the Mail, and all the "DON'T TAX ME" conservatives; they know the cost of everything but the value of nothing.

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 2:45 pm
by Raskolnikov
Liverpool is the home of thieves, militants and benefit scroungers. Anyone who makes good gets out, i.e. Cilla Black, Paul McCartney etc.

Steven Gerrard should either get guards or a transfer.

- Hugh Craen, Haywards heath
In story about Gerrard burglary in erm Formby (not in Liverpool)
He later tried to back track but he's just a twat.

1. Do we know where the alleged thieves are from
2. Liverpool has a LibDem council. Hatton booted off years ago
3. You can have Cilla
4. Liverpool has less crime than many other cities
5. The economy is beginning to improve after years of Thatcher driven problems
6. Haywards Where?

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 2:52 pm
by hel
haywards heath is in sussex, down south, so i'm not surprised he doesn't know where formby is.