Three cheers for police blindness: where would our leader be without it?
37.5 %
50 %
12.5 %
Three cheers for police blindness: where would our leader be without it?
The things Boris Johnson says to the 1922 Committee are far more revealing than the things he tells the silly old public, and on Wednesday he explained to backbenchers that Britain wouldn’t have won the second world war if Churchill hadn’t been pissed. This comparison simply makes me picture Churchill giving Johnson a hugely disdainful look up and down, and saying: “Well, sir, you are useless at your job. But I shall be sober in the morning.”
The imperial measures nonsense is all part of the “bonfire of red tape”, which will certainly be something to cluster round in lieu of half the nation being able to afford central heating this winter.Meanwhile, Alan Partridge's mystery drawer makes an appearance.
For the record, nine “bonfires of red tape” have been announced since Johnson became prime minister, suggesting police should investigate this arsonist for serial insurance fraud. Of course, like the Springfield Tire Fire (est. 1989), the “bonfire of red tape” has in fact been burning continuously for even longer than that, with the flames fanned every time a Conservative prime minister is up the creek. Which, given the past few years, has been exceedingly often.
Carrie’s chatelaine skills are called particularly into question, with the Times reporting some kind of character clash with the former housekeeper, which the prime minister’s wife denies. There seem to have been disciplinary proceedings against this housekeeper, though these were subsequently dropped and she left with a payoff and an NDA in 2020. Mesmerisingly, it all seems to have hinged on her alleged “inappropriate handling of a personal item” found in Boris Johnson’s bathroom, which she denied. According to the Times, “the nature of the item is unknown”. So … I’ll leave it with your subconscious.
Mesmerisingly, it all seems to have hinged on her alleged “inappropriate handling of a personal item” found in Boris Johnson’s bathroom, which she denied. According to the Times, “the nature of the item is unknown”. So … I’ll leave it with your subconscious.
Youngian wrote: ↑Tue May 31, 2022 7:26 pmAnd there was me thinking it was Johnson's cock.Mesmerisingly, it all seems to have hinged on her alleged “inappropriate handling of a personal item” found in Boris Johnson’s bathroom, which she denied. According to the Times, “the nature of the item is unknown”. So … I’ll leave it with your subconscious.
This woman was a seasoned pro who’d been in the job since Blair was PM. Flushed his stash down the bog sounds the most likely answer.
Last night’s unsuccessful leaderplasty leaves the government hideously disfigured but staggering on; and the prime minister the subject of headlines like “let me get on with the job”. Which, considering the circumstances that brought us here, is a little like Fred West pleading to be allowed to get on with finishing someone’s loft extension.
Johnson apparently told his cabinet “this is a government that delivers on what people in this country care about most”, which feels bold, considering that a poll yesterday indicated 60% of the country wanted him to sod off to a long, long Sartrean afterlife on the Hannibal lecture circuit. Johnson’s mission-aborting government is arguably the UK’s worst delivery service, making even Yodel and Hermes look as if they go the extra mile to serve. “We tried to deliver even one half-arsed policy but you were out.”
Today’s other official angle is that last night’s horror show allows the government to “draw a line” under leadership speculation, and to stop the Tory infighting. A reminder: things we’ve done fairly recently to stop Tory infighting include: having a referendum, having two general elections, and having no-confidence votes in both the past two leaders. How’s it working out for us, would you say?
It remains remarkable that some years into the experiment, we are no closer to discovering what, politically, Boris Johnson actually likes, other than being liked. A lifetime of hollowing himself out with narcissism and personal ambition seems to have meant that when he finally became prime minister, he had no idea what to do with the position, and even less interest in finding out.
...the late Ray Liotta in Hannibal. You may recall the scene in which this useless and corrupt government official has been so skilfully drugged that Lecter is able to feed him mouthfuls of his own brain while he retains a form of consciousness. This will be Boris Johnson’s summer.
Nadine Dorries, the missing link between the vegetable and mineral kingdoms, whose botched attack on Jeremy Hunt contrived to describe her own party’s earlier pandemic preparation as “wanting and inadequate”.
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